Digital Funtown

You've got to hand it to Ballsack (that's what she said), at least he's out there trying. After his career hit hard times, and his roommate got pissed off that he wouldn't stop eating all the damn Hot Pockets, Donald decided it was time to find a new profession to help pay the bills. But how would this beautiful butterfly force its untamed essence back into the cocoon, and in what form would it reemerge?

Donald Ballsack went awhile without trimming his trademark mustache, and thought...

Then he ran across a posting on Craigslist for an entry-level position at an Ad Agency. So he applied. And he did not sugar-coat his resume, he left everything out in the open -- (genital) warts and all.

Damn, you think you got it hard??? Try being an out-of-work, anything-goes porn star like Donald Ballsack! You think you got roommate drama??? Try having roommate drama while being an out-of-work, anything-goes porn star like Donald Ballsack! You think you haven't payed rent in a hot minute??? Try not paying rent for three months like an out-of-work, anything-goes porn star like Donald Ballsack!

...or better yet, don't.

Save yourself the heartache, pearl necklaces, and monthly STD-checkups, my friends, and just watch a video about what it's like to be an out-of-work, anything-goes porn star like Donald Ballsack instead...

Times are tough for everyone. The housing market has sunk, your credit's in the shitter, and Wall Street is smellin' more like Ball Street. (As in "not pleasant", you nasty bastard!)

But for every Joe Schmoe that can't make the rent, there are three cock/anal/vag-hungry porn stars struggling to get a little facial time in an already brutal industry. But while these adult stars continue to seek any professional opening that will have them, the work is steadily slipping away to non-paying fields. Like amateur upskirt videos of your cheating ex-girlfriend (Revenge is sweet!) or the bajillions of trillobytes of FREE INTERNET PORN that litters your internet browser history.

That's why "Hustler" founder Larry Flint and "Girls Gone Wild" guru Joe Francis headed up to Capitol Hill to ask Uncle Sam to chip in a little bit, instead of just bootlegging it off of Pornotube like always does, that cheap bastard...

Will they get the money they ask for? Will the frigid old Senator broad ever give it up? Can Donald Ballsack pull out the proverbial MONEYBALL with his career before his roommate Gary snaps???

These questions and more, my friends, await you below...